Volume 49

4925 Cody Comic

Groundhog Day

GW Writes an Exam Study Schedule

The following is a transcription of the meetings from the last Golden Words General Meeting (GWGM) – pronounced “guh-wig-mEH” as is “good” “wig” <noise a cow makes>):
 
Whereas Sci ’18 completely fucked up their exams during the winter,
And Whereas engineering is a cooperative and helpful faculty
And Whereas Sci ’18 (though forever frosh) will soon have their own frosh
Sam “Sam, Sam the Ice-cream Man” Codrington moves to create a Frosh’s Guide to Exam Scheduling

AMS Report: World's Hottest Math Teacher Motion

The AMS’s most recent move is that it has asked the administration board to hire the World’s Hottest Math Teacher, Pedro Becel (true name has been omitted to protect his identity).

The AMS has brought to the board’s attention that this could have a positive effect on student’s success; the AMS suggests that class attendance would be 312% greater and says it has interviewed students over the past week.

Justin Trudeau Visited by Father's Vengeful Ghost

Justin Trudeau visited last night by Father’s vengeful ghost

At approximately 2 am this morning, federal Liberal party leader Justin Trudeau was jolted awake from his peaceful slumber at his Ottawa home by the ghost of his father, the late Pierre Trudeau.

Sam is Dead/No I'm Not

SAM IS DEAD

I have been summoned back by the outcries from the Golden Words office. My dim spirit lifted my heavy foot steps; one step at a time I arrived at Golden Words. What awaited for me was a horror I have never dreamt of witnessing: Sam Codrington is dead!

No, not in the way that Overheard is dead. Sam is actually dead; as dead as the two squirrels on Albert street. Silent. Sideways. Half-black.

Grant Hall recalled to Tottenham Hotspurs

English Premier league football club, Tottenham Hotspur, has accidentally acquired Grant Hall from Queen’s University. The club had loaned one of its players, Grant Hall, to a second tier team, Blackpool F.C., and was attempting to recall the player. Somehow poor communication resulted in the team believing that Grant Hall, the footballer, was in Kingston, Ontario at Queen’s University. Through a series of bizarre loopholes in Premier League rules, Tottenham Hotspur was able to recall Grant Hall, the building, to join its team.

Getting Blackout Drunk: An Introspective

There’s a fundamental shift occurring in our student drinking culture right now, with many championing the idea that one must either “blackout or back out”. What does this mean for you, and your ethically questionable drinking habits? Should you blackout? Should you back out? Here’s what it’s really like to get blackout drunk, we’ll let you decide.

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