Authors - Stopes and Hoe

5 Bad Things That Happened to A Good Person Like Me

I saw my ex-boyfriend getting a haircut from the JDUC Tim Horton’s lineup and I was too committed to my steeped tea to leave the line

What the F*** Am I Doing With My Life? A Helpful Guide to Choosing Your Discipline

It is that time of years again boyz! Time to pick what discipline will eventually ruin your life, relationship, and probably maybe most likely get a job for you in the future. Choosing your discipline can be stressful, but fear not you sweet angel, I have written a helpful guide based on my own opinions to help guide you in your time of need.

Sam and Solo Present: The Enigma of the Hot Dog- Sandwich or Nah?

The story of the Hot Dog is as old as time. You know it, I know it, your frickin’ grandma knows it. Let’s get to the real meat of this piece: Sandwich or not? A timeless debated will be debated once again inside the covers of Queen’s finest print media. Buckle up and prepare to be educated by your fellow peers and Queen’s Hot Dog Enthusiasts- Solo and Sam!

Solo: Hot dogs are a sandwich.

Sam: Hot dogs are not a sandwich.

Solo: Meat and condiments encased in bread? Sounds like a sandwich to me.

Am I the Rihanna of Our Generation? And A Second Thought I Have About Myself

Hey guys! It’s me, I’m back at Queen’s after my break. I uploaded new pics to my Facebook album, “Selfies in My Home and Also When I Travel”, and made sure to snap at least 75 seconds every day, and uploaded 15 times over the break. I did NOT tweet anything, because Twitter is for frickin’ lame-o’s and Donald Trump, but if you still feel like you missed out on what I’ve been up to and what I am thinking here’s a little summary of stuff I thought about and realized in 2016 and the first week of 2017 (shout out to my girl Kylie Jenner).

You Think You Have Opinions? WHAT ABOUT MY OPINIONS

If you think I’m going to listen to another one of your long, tiring tirades about how you feel about Squirrel Genocides and the Alolan Pokemon- you had better take a third walk around the flipping block and reconsider your choices my friend. I don’t have time for your opinions, I’m way too busy making my own opinions. How am I supposed to hear two opinions on an issue when I already have the right opinion- MY OWN. Buzz off suckers and let me spit some realism that will fill your mind with wonder and confusion.

Shocking! Man Uses Nipples As Fashion Accessory

The male nipple has long been the source of wonder and confusion on the world wide internet. A few of the time old questions have been answered, such as “What are they Made Of?” (man flesh) and “Do They Get Hard?” (maybe if you’re lucky), but the most puzzling question of them all has remained unanswered- until today.

WHAT ARE MALE NIPPLES FOR? ***~**~*~fashion~*~**~***~****~*****

Girl Who Consistently Overreacts Announces She Hates Drama

Jennifer Vandreet, fourth year Commerce Student, has written a 15 paragraph, 7000 word Facebook post announcing to her friends and followers that she hates drama. The Facebook post, which was originally published on November 5th, was originally overshadowed by Science Formal occurring on the same day and only received 2 shares and 37 likes. In wake of the oversight of her peers, Jennifer bravely decided to reshare the post to her own timeline just yesterday. “I just really wanted people to know where I’m at with my life,” Jennifer revealed in a Golden Words exclusive interview.

Top 10 Homecoming Headlines That Don’t Require Further Explanation

1) Puking in your crush’s mouth will definitely make him buy you a fancy dinner

2) Live Now!: Watch your rich friends do lines of cocaine off of a $300 thermodynamics textbook while alumni look on in the background semi-disapprovingly, semi-nostalgically

3) Are you in Eng if you don’t wear your GPA on Homecuming? And other EngSoc rules

4) How to deal with that booty call at 3pm (The answer will shock you!)

5) 23 Types of Girls and their Dads You Will Find on Aberdeen this Homecuming

Gatorade for President

You all know what Gatorade is. Literally everyone knows what Gatorade is. If you don’t fuck with Gato, you’re probably not living life right. I personally used to take Gatorade for granted in my life. I never utilized the life saving abilities of Gato until this morning when I drank it and it literally returned my body from the depths of hangover hell. Since this morning, I have written out a list of reasons why Gato is a better presidential candidate than the others, except maybe not Gary Johnson, he really seems to have a handle on the whole Aleppo thing.

Guess how Trash Sci 17 Is! (Pretty Trash TBH)

As some of you may know, the graduating class of engineering is a group of individuals known as “Sci 17”. As you also might be aware- there is almost nothing great or even remotely good about us. Sure, some people are doing some pretty nice and cool things, but let me remind you all: we don’t have a year pres because everyone is too lazy to attend a council meeting every other week. Which, like, honestly? Kind of fair those things go on for a long ass time. Here’s a list of people who rejected me when I asked them to run for year pres: