Authors - Massive Orogenic Event

Grad student hunger games

The School of Graduate Studies has made an announcement of a new and unique way of dealing with the problem of many graduate students constantly vying for the attention of their supervisor. All new graduate students looking to receive attention from their supervisor will be entered into the Supervisor Games where they will fight to the death on Queen’s campus in order to win a single 1 hour sit down slot with their supervisor to discuss what the hell is going on with their thesis. “ For far too long professors have had to be hassled by Masters and PhD students.

Expedition To West Campus

    The year was 2012, it was a cold winter’s day when the expedition set out to reach the isolate colony at West Campus. The distress tweets had been received that students had been unable to make it to main campus and supplies were running low. They had been physically isolated for 2 weeks due to a major ice storm and wolves hunting union street. 25 brave volunteers made up the expedition to try to regain physical contact and resupply them with sufficient alcohol and pizza.

How To: Get a Summer Job

Let’s face it: you are broke. You spent all your money on booze and bad decisions and your parents are no longer giving you money to continue this type of spending. Also how did you burn through 20K in alcohol in a school year. Nevermind you need cash here is some surefire ways to get a job.

New Years Resolutions for Others

If you are like me (I feel sorry for you if you are), you find yourself being around people who are really unsure of what they want their New Year’s resolutions to be. You could be a good friend and give them ideas that would better them in their studies or social life. However, I suggest you say fuck my friends, and take this as an opportunity to give ideas that would be of benefit to yourself through the year. Here are some ideas and how they will be able to help you:

Golden Words Recommended Reading List

For all the students who are going through book withdrawal Golden Words has put together a reading list to last you through the holidays. This should help ensure you are not forced to do anything such as talk to your relatives who came to see you and if you keep it up long enough you will not have to worry about them visiting again:
Complete Works of William Shakespeare
Honestly a reading list doesn’t seem to be complete without something by Shakespeare and I figured I would start a fight if I picked one. So now you get to read them all. Lucky you.

Frosh's Guide to Surviving Winter in Kingston

Maybe you are an international student who isn’t heading home for the holidays. Maybe your family just forgot to pick you up. Maybe they didn’t forget. Either way frosh you are now stuck in Kingston it is winter and you have no meal plan. This guide will help you survive the dark days that are coming:
Don’t Panic: First step is to not panic. You will get through this. You have a background in survival techniques and years of outdoor experience right? No, ok this may be a bit more difficult but you should be able to find a way through.

The Brolympic Games to Take Place In Kingston

Queen’s Bro Association (QBA) has announced that they have received approval to run the Queen’s BrOlympics in January. The confirmed events for the games are:
Coxed Eight Man Flip Cup: The eight man team, plus their coxswain screaming at them, will compete in a flip cup race-off representing their brountry.
Pizza Box Discus: The Bros have 15 minutes to eat an entire large pizza and attempt to throw the pizza box as far as possible. 

Dangerous Discoveries at Queen's

Over the years at Queen’s University there have been several major breakthroughs that have been branded too dangerous by the general media to share beyond these hallowed halls. It is time that these discoveries get given the credit they deserve.
Netflix Do I really need to explain this one?
Red Eye If you are ordering these at 8pm on a Saturday you know it is a rough time. If you don’t know what a Red Eye is than congratulations, University has been far kinder to you lucky fuck than it has been to me.

Frosh’s Guide to West Campus Travel

Stuck on West, frosh? Not sure all the ways to get there. Well, enjoy a famous Golden Words public service announcement to inform you of your options:
Drive: Seriously, you have a car frosh? Fuck, you don’t need this guide.  

Kathleen Wynne Confirms Grocery Checkout to Sell Beer

The Premier’s office confirmed Saturday that Grocery Checkout will be included under new legislation permitting the sale of beer in grocery stores. The premier stated, “for too long Queen’s students have had to walk to the ghetto to get beer and food. We are hoping this will help ease the hardships facing the modern student.” The Checkout has been estimated to be in a very high demand location for alcohol sales, which would bring in millions in revenue to balance the provincial budget.