Volume 51

Cover 5122

Walk Home Introduces New "RUN HOME!" Program to Promote Healthy Living

Beginning March 2nd, Walk Home will be rolling out a new initiative to curb unhealthy lifestyles on and off campus. The new program named “RUN HOME!” responds to callers by sending out two varsity athletes (male and female) to stalk the client. Once the individual is completely alone, the designated “trainers” violently chase the caller back to their residence or home. During the pursuit, the trainers yell out phrases of motivation such as “You can’t escape!” or “We want to feed!” to encourage the caller to maintain a high pace.

STEM Majors Need to Change to Accommodate Women

Current initiatives to encourage women in STEM aren’t working and require realistic change.

As a woman in STEM, I have an insider perspective on the why women choose STEM programs, and how to encourage future participation into these streams. Sometimes, women talk a little too much about themselves, and it’s time we changed the conversation to something more relevant: men.

Coupon Page


Cody's Comic 5121

Club Stauff: The Next Hot Night Club in Kingston If You’re Drunk Enough

If you’re anything like the student you tell your parents you are, you supposedly spend a ridiculously upsetting amount of time in Stauffer. And if you’re anything like the student you actually are, you hate it and it’s boring as shit. You go there and you sit on the hard ass chairs and then your butt gets awkwardly sweating for literally no reason. Then it’s either boiling or freezing and there’s absolutely no way to deal with either. And then you go onto onQ and take out your crappy notebook and pens and then you take like five snapchats of how you’re studying really hard and shit.

Is This a Road or Just a Large Pathway?

Alright champs, here’s the 411: Acceptance offers have been going out for a while now, which means that next year's students will need to learn how to navigate campus sometime within the next six months. This gives me a prime opportunity to ask some questions that have been plaguing me for all six months I’ve been here: What is a road? What is a pathway? Do blue vans have more rights than me?

Donald Trump Commends Golden Words Science Fair as Premier Science Competition

After attending the the Golden Words Science Fair on Tuesday night, Donald Trump took to Twitter to express his satisfaction with the display of projects:

The President was particularly amazed by the Donald Trump Tweet Generator, a project that uses machine learning to predict future tweets from his account. Donald Trump reportedly acquired this technology from the students and fired his communications team. US Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, who also attended, called the event “an effective model for science education holy shit is that a penis volcano?! Lemme see!!!”

Four Reasons to See Local Play “Bro Diaries”

1. The Playwright is not a murderer
Mackenzie Parrott is the writer of “Bro Diaries,” and as far as we know, she has yet to kill anybody. This sets her in stark contrast to the rest of the Kingston theatre circuit, which is largely populated by unrepentant violent criminals.