Volume 51

Local Old Folks Home Trying New “Unplug” Policy To Save Energy

Saint Catherine’s Home for the Wrinkly and Unwanted has taken on a new environmentally friendly initiative this past week. Aptly named “Unplugged”, the in-home staff have been instructed to disconnect phone chargers, laptop cords and life support systems in order to reduce their carbon footprint. “It’s really a great thing we’re doing here. There’s this peace of mind you get from this sort of ecological responsibility” said Gary Busey, an attendant at the facility.

How To Win An AMS Exec Election

January at Queen’s marks the month of people getting the hub flu, girls intentionally getting frostbite on their legs on the way to the bars, and the entire campus passionately engaged in AMS elections. With the entire campus obviously on their toes, keeping up with all the AMS election updates as if the future of their country depends on it, here are some key steps to a great campaign that potential candidates should follow.</p>

What the F*** Am I Doing With My Life? A Helpful Guide to Choosing Your Discipline

It is that time of years again boyz! Time to pick what discipline will eventually ruin your life, relationship, and probably maybe most likely get a job for you in the future. Choosing your discipline can be stressful, but fear not you sweet angel, I have written a helpful guide based on my own opinions to help guide you in your time of need.


The winter is upon us, and with it, the annual rush for a bae to call your own before Valentine’s Day. Known as all sorts of things across the globe: cuffing season, dating, courting, arranged marriage, Russian mail-order brides. You name it. As Wise and Cultured™ Queen’s students, we all know that history offers an extensive amount of learning material. Obviously most of history has things that you really reeeeeeally shouldn’t do, but there’s also some good bits of advice for us “alivies”.

The Four Worst Seasons of Stranger Things

Season 7
This season was especially baffling. While the writers made a bold choice moving away from the central characters of Mike, Eleven, and others, the decision to make the entire season (consisting of eight hour-long episodes), consist of nothing but a 5 minute loop of 9/11 footage was, though original, both confusing and repetitive.

America More Concerned About Super Bowl LI Than Imminent Nuclear Attack

Last week a sleeper agent by the name of Donalt Anton Trumikov, code named Donald Trump, fulfilled the final mission of the KGB, which was to have a true native Russian elected in America.

CIA Unveils Donald Trump's Ties to Russia

Since even before Donald Trump was elected President of The United States of America, he has been dogged by accusations of secret ties to Russia. Journalists have documented countless intersections between his own business interests and those of Russian oligarchs, and his own campaign manager Paul Manafort was forced to step down upon discovering a link to pro-Russian Ukrainian politics. This morning, the CIA finally unveiled all of these secret ties to the world.

How Dance Moms Helped me Fall Back in Love with Facism

Glitter. Glam. Government. It can be no surprise that as a bit of TV-snob, I’d be well versed in the instant-classic that is Dance Moms.

Things for $2.00 Worth LESS THAN the Golden Words Fee

Hey Guys! Issue 16. WOW. I honestly thought we’d have burned to the ground by now. In any case, we are currently pretty close. If you’ve followed us, we have a referendum on January 30th and 31st. We need everyone to vote yes for Golden Words so that we can continue to function. That’s right. So call up your friends and family and make it happen. But only if they go to Queen’s because otherwise they can’t vote so fuck ‘em. In any case, we’re not looking for any extra money. We’re not gonna ask for like $7.00 out of nowhere for a BS resume-padding club.

Tips for House Hunting Frosh

It’s that time of year again. The least magical time of year. The time of year that will see you face more rejection than you faced at your first high school dance. The time of year that will see you stay awake ‘till the wee hours of the morning with crippling panic attacks and turn you against your fellow students–It’s house hunting season. You’ve probably already found out that house hunting sucks. It sucks so so so much. You’ve been told that “you were great, but there was one other group that was better” and that “we’ll call you if the signing falls through”.