Authors - Sam-I-Am-Not

It's Not Hazing If It's Actually Organized Crime

There’s been a lot of controversy on campus regarding certain student groups participating in activities that fall under the very broad definition that school officials have laid out to determine what does and doesn’t constitute hazing. It goes without saying that this dangerous new trend of 18-22 year olds taking part in risky and undignified activity needs to stop and we as a school need to create a culture that harks back to a time when young people never drank, had good judgement, and didn’t take part in unsavory activities, whenever the fuck that was.

Clinton Campaign Forced to Sit Out Televised Debates After Social Gone Wrong

Following a night of drunken debauchery in Washington D.C, Hillary Clinton has been forced by the DNC to sit out of all four upcoming televised presidential debates.

Summer AlcOlympics: Recap

This summer saw the games of the 31st olympiad take place in Rio de Janeiro Brazil where the world’s most elite athletes tested the limits of human strength, skill, and speed. The prowess and dedication of the competitors present was truly a sight to behold. However, in the weeks running up to the more widely known summer games, the lesser known Alcolympics were taking place in Gatineau, Quebec.

Here's A Super Fun Party Idea: The Communist Party

Are you looking into various party themes hoping that you’ll find one that will blow all of your friends away and prove once and for all that you’re the best party host there is? Do you hate the bourgeoisie and want to overthrow the evil capitalist oligarchy one rager at a time? Did you watch a video on the internet once about how capitalism is screwing us all? If you answered yes to any of these questions look no further because we have a party idea that’s so great it’ll have the proletariat ready to pledge their unwavering loyalty to you.

The Definitive Guide to Floorcest

Alright you little froshy animals. You’ve moved in, you’ve met your roommate, and you’ve said goodbye to your parents. What could be next? University is a new place with so many wild and exciting experiences, there’s so many awesome things you could try. Well I’m here to tell you that there should only be one thing on your mind right now. At this moment you should only be thinking of how you’re going to go about fucking one of your floormates.

Spotify Ad Becomes Biggest Banger at the Party

So I’m chilling there, huge party. Biggest party of the year in fact, and I’m faced with DJ-ing. In other words, I’ve got the biggest responsibility to keep the party going - people know me to bring the hottest bangers to any party. And who would I be if I couldn’t give the people what they wanted? I spent all day creating the greatest playlist of all time. Throwbacks? Throw some R. Kelly in for when the party gets steamy, throw some B Street Boys for when people need a bump. Classic tunes? I added Justin Bieber for the ladies, and Kanye for the boys. New shit?

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