Authors - Golda Meir

Seasonal Affective Disorder on the Decline, Vampirism on the Rise

As spring quickly approaches, new numbers from Queen’s Student Wellness Services found through anonymous student polling give us new insights on campus health. This year SWS announced a record low number of cases of Seasonal Affective Disorder as well as a record high percentage of vampires on campus.

Top 5 Things to do in Residence Before the End of First Year

Boy oh boy, it’s been a wild ride. With week 11 halfway done and exam season turning from a faint sense of worry to your last chance at not failing out of university, it’s time to reflect on the year so far. Specifically, for all the first years, and I guess upper years who still have keys to their residences (yeah, we know you’re out there), it’s time to consider how you’ve spent your time in residence.

Steps for Making the Most out of Your Professional Meetings

Meetings, meetings, meetings. They're the crust of the peanut butter sandwich that is university. Group projects, training sessions, fighting those “desecration of burial sight” charges you got cause you were just a bit too lit on st paddy’s - it's just a whole bunch of time better spent getting high and watching Seinfeld reruns. Unfortunately, meetings are a part of your boring af everyday life and they’re not much you can do about it unless you’re willing to burn off you fingerprints and learn the paraguayan national anthem.

The Dangers of Native Advertising

Native advertising: a term you probably heard three years ago and thought, “huh, that sounds boring.” Well let me be the first to tell you that yes, it is pretty boring but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be afraid - more afraid than that time when you were eight and your sibling turned off the lights while you were showering and started punching the curtains like a dickhead.

Student Wellness Services To begin “Therapy Dawg” Sessions

Student Wellness Services, along with the help of Jack.org, has begun testing out its new experimental “Therapy Dawg” session in an attempt to better mental health on campus. Based off of the classic therapy dog sessions, “Therapy Dawgs” seek to improve upon the furry friend model by bringing dawgs on campus for students to interact with. By bringing together a variety men from 2004 who are just chill guys, students will be able to interact with various types of “totally dope boys” to de-stress between classes.

Walk Home Introduces New "RUN HOME!" Program to Promote Healthy Living

Beginning March 2nd, Walk Home will be rolling out a new initiative to curb unhealthy lifestyles on and off campus. The new program named “RUN HOME!” responds to callers by sending out two varsity athletes (male and female) to stalk the client. Once the individual is completely alone, the designated “trainers” violently chase the caller back to their residence or home. During the pursuit, the trainers yell out phrases of motivation such as “You can’t escape!” or “We want to feed!” to encourage the caller to maintain a high pace.

Golden Words Crash Course on Crashing Courses

We get it: everyone loves school-stuff. Lectures, tutorials, labs, y’all can’t get enough of random course stuff. Class is like really cool and stuff… Ok, yeah, can’t keep that up for much longer. Let’s cut the crap, you’ve got a schedule more messed up than the Kennedy’s lobotomy and you’ve got to act fast before people start recognizing your face. Your professor speaks as coherently as a I do after a night alone at Stages, so how do you start squatting in on better lectures? I introduce to you the Golden Words Crash Course on Crashing Courses.

A Guide On How To Organize The Most Romantic Valentine's Day Ever Written by Someone Who is Woefully Unqualified to Offer Romantic Advice

It’s the big day, that one night of the year when all those couples break out of their midwinter slumps and start going at it like a pack of horny gazelles. All your friends seem to be in relationships (except for Derrick, lol), and you’re still looking for love. Well, not looking- you’ve got someone in mind. She’s perfect: long blonde hair, has good handwriting, can see out of both eyes- really just top notch stuff. Or if you’re a girl, he’s got a nice butt and stuff (I don’t know, might as well pander to both sides).

How to Master the DIY Threesome

So you’re all alone on a Thursday night with nothing but a package of mini cucumbers and a thirst for adventure- it’s time to get a little freaky. You’re not just looking for love, you’re looking for love from two different people like a mustachioed porn star from the 80’s. Class is in session boys and girls and the lesson plan is fresh off the photocopier: how to absolutely master the ancient art of the threesome, all by yourself.

Local Old Folks Home Trying New “Unplug” Policy To Save Energy

Saint Catherine’s Home for the Wrinkly and Unwanted has taken on a new environmentally friendly initiative this past week. Aptly named “Unplugged”, the in-home staff have been instructed to disconnect phone chargers, laptop cords and life support systems in order to reduce their carbon footprint. “It’s really a great thing we’re doing here. There’s this peace of mind you get from this sort of ecological responsibility” said Gary Busey, an attendant at the facility.

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