So you’re an introvert. Who cares, it’s not a big deal! We’ve all been there: It’s a Saturday night and you’re stupid friend Derek (ugh, Derek) texts you. There’s a kegger in the ghetto and “you should totally come!” When you get there, it doesn’t take long for Derek (ugh, Derek) to completely disappear, leaving you alone, uncomfortable and downright verklempt in a stew of sweat and Pabst Blue Ribbon. I know, you want to disappear in the comforting glow of The Spongebob Squarepants Movie on your computer, but do not despair.
We’ve all been there: it’s a Saturday night, you’re out with the guys and some chick is grinding you up like a chicken mcnugget factory. It’s getting hot and steamy (imagine a third world sweatshop) and you’re ready to get you some action. One problem: you forgot a condom.
Fuck. You want to plant your flag, not your seed, and you need a solution quick. All your friends are already getting some, and you’re on your own with some chick that could probably pop out a baby faster than you can say “Woah, you popped out that baby really fast.”
If you can read the paragraph, you're good enough for us. Everyone is welcome, regardless of your year, faculty or discipline. You can join us for Press Nite, which is held (almost) every Sunday during the Fall and Winter terms in the EngSoc Lounge above the bookstore (it's the only door that doesn't actually go into the store). We start at noon and keep on truckin' until the paper is done. Feel free to join in any time and hit us up with some of that world-class humour of your that we've been hearing so much about. Please bring a laptop. We will provide you with free food.