Authors - Patrick O'Reilly

Five Signs The Guy You’re Seeing Has A Fear of Commitment

He says that the film “The Shawshank Redemption” reminds him of you.

When you watch The Shawshank Redemption with your man, does he constantly make parallels between your relationship and the plight of Andy Dufresne? If so, that’s a red flag - he might feel that spending time with you is like serving a 25-to-life sentence on a murder charge. It’s not for certain - you may just bare a resemblance to Morgan Freeman or Bob Gunton. If you don’t, however, he may be hesitant to devote himself to you.

The only time he’ll sit near you is when an ejector seat is available.

The Four Worst Seasons of Stranger Things

Season 7
This season was especially baffling. While the writers made a bold choice moving away from the central characters of Mike, Eleven, and others, the decision to make the entire season (consisting of eight hour-long episodes), consist of nothing but a 5 minute loop of 9/11 footage was, though original, both confusing and repetitive.

5 Signs That Your Professor is Actually Joe Biden

1) If your professor makes an offhand comment about being out of a job next January, and feeling that his replacement is unqualified.

Really, this could describe a lot of people. But it’s worth noting that the presidential term ends next January, and Joe Biden will be replaced by Mike Pence, a man whose qualifications are considered questionable by some.

2) If, in the middle of their lecture, your professor tells an anecdote involving them and a friend from work named Barack Obama.

The Untold Story of Bernie Sanders’ Endorsement of Hillary Clinton

Secretary Hillary Clinton had spent the primaries being treated as the phony, establishment candidate, in opposition to the radical authenticity of Senator Bernie Sanders. It left her with a bad aura going into the general election, and the most straightforward way of clearing it was an endorsement from Sanders. But she wasn’t prepared for what would be required of her to receive such an honour.

The Official List of People Who Would Be Better Presidential Candidates Than the Actual Presidential Candidates

Greg the Stockboy

Greg’s always at work on time. Greg’s always nice. Greg never gets angry. Greg’s also great on foreign policy, is passionate about campaign finance reform, and is determined to close down Guantanamo.

Edward Scissorhands

LEAKED: Obama’s Planned Final Speech as President

The following is a direct copy of a speech President Obama plans to give on his final day in office. Golden Words has the utmost certainty in our source and the legitimacy of this leak.

My fellow Americans, it has been nothing shy of an honor to serve you these past eight years.

While I understand that some of you are concerned about my successor, if there’s one thing I’ve learned not to underestimate, it is the resilience of the American people. It is for this reason that I’m certain you can all persevere through the fucking bomb I’m about to drop on you guys.

Man Bravely Admits He Doesn’t Care About Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s Divorce

Ghandi. Ali. Mandela. These people saw the evil in society, and spoke out against it no matter the consequences. Now, a new hero enters the pantheon. Meet Larry Wilson, a man unafraid to let you know how little he cares about the divorce of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. If that makes you uncomfortable, then you’re just gonna have to get used to it, because there’s a new day in America.

After A Six Year Struggle, This Man Was Finally Able to Convince His Friends to Start Watching HBO's "The Wire"

Sophocles once said that “there is no success without hardship,” and when one hears the story of Danny Chen, those words are the first that come to mind. Danny is a third year Film student, and ever since the tenth grade, he has fought desperately to get one of his many friends to start watching The Wire, HBO’s critically acclaimed *crime drama, to no avail. “They all said they were just busy, that they’d get around to it eventually,” Danny struggled to utter through his tears, “but then months started to pass, and none of them had even watched the pilot. It was a very dark time for me.”