Authors - Yogurt

Missing Persons Notice: Justin Trudeau

Dear readers, in this time of political instability it is my unfortunate burden to add only more tinder on the already burning pyre. As most Canadians are aware, our current Prime Minister is none other than the frat lord himself, Justin Trudeau. But what most people might not know is that our fearless leader is hiding a special talent, the likes of which have never been seen before. Some of you may have seen evidence of this ability before: deep in the annals of Youtube if one is true enough, they can find glorious proof of our Prime Minister’s true power.

The Secret Life of Memes

This week in America was a fortuitous one, the time arrived for the country to decide between a human trash fire or a mutated crow liar person; the votes came in hot and fast leaving candidates and voters alike on the edge of their seats, yet in the end there can only be one and the last man standing was none other than D Tizzle himself - Donald Trump. Many have been asking since the numbers came in how Donald succeeded in wrangling the popular vote, some stated it was the rural white vote that tipped him over the edge, the truth however is even more bizarre.

What ‘They’ Don’t Want You to Know

So Homecoming came and went and assumedly a good time was had by all; late night revelers were spotted indulging and carousing in almost every single building throughout Kingston. This in and of itself is not much of a surprise but what surprised this reporter was the fact that almost every single person was drunk. Now nobody has ever accused this reporter of being a prudish or judgemental person, but it has to be admitted that I cannot trust alcohol or anyone that has ever drunken a sip of those devil cocktails.

Craiglist Ad: Looking for a Highschool Bully

Man Looking for Men: Must Have Prior Bullying Experience. I am a 5 foot 7 male looking for a male preferably over 6 foot who will be capable of bullying me like high school. An odd request one might say, however no common man has experienced the ecstasy I have of having someone take out their own at home problems on me. I guess some explanation is necessary. Ever since I was just a wee little crouton I was a target of bullying; maybe it’s my height or inability to pronounce the word orange. Regardless, powerful men instantly take a disliking to me wherever I go.