Authors - Sam Goldstein

SpongeBob SquarePants Fails to Accurately Depict the Triumphs of Western Society

I’m back bitches, and as usual I’m here to preach real issues to you. I’ve heard enough talk this week about stupid shit that nobody cares about, like health insurance for millions of people and Russian spying. I feel that if I want to earn my position as editor, I need to treat this publication as a way to promote true journalism, and write about actual issues. So, let’s talk about the failures of Spongebob to depict Western society in a proper light. What better way is there to talk about Western Society than this?

My Thoughts on Exams, Stress, Healthy Living, and the Athenian Invasion of Syracuse in 415 B.C.E.

It’s me again, that guy who seemingly at random appeared on our newspaper last week to write about International Men’s Day. Now that the old Golden Words administration has successfully been overthrown, Brendan and I can finally set things straight and talk about “the real issues.” Viva La Revolución - your new editors are here to help you find the secret meaning of life and guide you in these turbulent times!

Why we need 364 international men’s days every year

Listen up, ladies. We need to have a long talk about equality of the sexes. One day a year, on March 8th, we celebrate International Women’s Day. It is a hallowed day, with a long history of empowerment. It started 100 years ago, at the beginning of the Russian revolution in 1917. But, it is also a problematic event. From the half of a Wikipedia article I read, it seems that I am not the only critic of the day. You see, many times in life I find myself asking the same crucial question: “Yes, but what about men?” And I mean it – yes, women are important, but what about men?